


Brothers

by leohyuks



Category: VIXX
Genre: Age Difference, Drug Use, M/M, also jaehwans got a pretty messed up personality so, step brothers doin stuff if thats not ur thing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-04
Updated: 2017-01-03
Packaged: 2018-09-14 15:08:53
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 9,474
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9187856
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/leohyuks/pseuds/leohyuks
Summary: Jaehwan watches the world ruin Taekwoon.





	1. Chapter 1

When they first met Taekwoon had been 14; a thin, frail looking boy with empty eyes that avoided contact and long silky black hair that covered his face even though it was pulled back into a ponytail. His voice was the softer than most boys, sweet as honey and with a little lisp when he said his ‘S’. There was something about him, not this big glaring thing, but it still made alarms set off in his head that the kid was different. A little strange.

When they first met, Jaehwan knew he wouldn’t last.

X

It wasn’t really ideal to him, to show around his new brother to the neighborhood. It also meant Jaehwan had to drop him off to the middle school every day before he went to his own High school. But if the teen was being honest with himself, he really didn’t care. He was at an age when things like family didn’t mean much and after dropping the kid off he was on his way to his own high school. Jaehwan spent miniscule amounts of time thinking of Taekwoon. As long as he did what was asked of him his parents would leave him alone.

When Taekwoon started coming back into his car with black and blue covering his skin, lips bleeding and hair askew, he didn’t question it. Just because they were somehow family now, it didn’t mean he had to play the sappy big brother role did he? They were hardly related.

As predicted, Taekwoon didn’t last.

X

“I...I don’t want to go to school anymore…” The clinking of silverware at the table stops all except for Jaehwan who lazily gazed up at Taekwoon. The younger was clutching his chopsticks, knuckles white and eyes trained on the food he had yet to touch. He was biting hard at his already injured lip and Jaehwan wondered what would happen if the wound opened again right now. He takes another bite, chewing while around him there are gasps.

“Taekwoon...why though? Whats wrong with school?” His mother asks, nausea inducing worry filled her voice. At this Jaehwan couldn’t help the small smile that played on his lips, thinking of what would happen if he asked the same thing when he was fourteen. It would probably be something along the lines of “Don’t say such ridiculous things Hwan-ah” in that chiding tone of hers. But then again his dad wasn’t the one she was fucking anymore.

The young boy swallows, trying to strengthen his resolve. His eyes focus on their parents, a hint of desperation in his tone.

“M-mom it’s...it’s just…” Taekwoon stills when Jaehwan looks up at him fully, the elders face is carefully blank but he knows eye contact makes the younger nervous. So he sets down his own pair of chopsticks and threads his fingers underneath his chin to stare at Taekwoon.

Mom.

He must love it, having someone to call “Mom” now. Probably makes him feel warmed and cared for in a way a father couldn’t. As if they weren’t total strangers a few months ago. His mother sure as hell loved it, basking in the feeling of having someone to take care of. Someone who was just a little too off to misbehave, who would always need her and probably clung to her as a child should. Someone who would be her second chance.

Jaehwan doesn’t call Mr. Jung “Dad”. He doesn’t call him anything, instead choosing to avoid contact as much as possible. His mother didn’t like that (obviously). She wanted them to be one big disgustingly happy family, that supported each other and was open with their love. She wanted Jaehwan to actually try to be a better son because compared to sweet quiet Taekwoon from the Jung’s side, he was making her look bad. How could she get her fairy tale life if her son was going to be a train wreck?

Unfortunately for her, he really, honestly, couldn’t care less.

“Jaehwan stop scaring him.” His mother scolds, making him take his sharp gaze off Taekwoon. He wanted to scoff. Was he the scary one? What about the creepy kid she decided would be her new ‘son’. The one that didn’t seem to blink and was always staring off with those onyx eyes. Sneering to himself silently, he thought Taekwoon was like a child from a horror movie.  I’m Surprised Mrs. Jung didn’t leave him on a doorstep.

Sure he didn’t care, but Taekwoon was also easy to make fun of.

“Go on sweetheart, finish what you were saying.” Mr. Jung adds. Jaehwan also finds it super fucking weird that Taekwoon’s dad calls him sweetheart. Or ‘dear’, or any of those strange pet names. Dad’s don’t do stuff like that with their sons do they?

Well what would he know about dads.

Why was this conversation turning more and more suffocating by the second.

Taekwoon was very spoiled by Mr. Jung, and now he was also spoiled by his mom. Just because the kid refused to talk and couldn’t stare someone in the eye the world has to stop revolving to make sure he’s ok? Jaehwan thinks it’s weird, how there are two people who give so much of a shit about Taekwoon (or at least pretend to in his mother’s case) while even when he grew up with his mother he didn’t get one. But at this point did it matter?

Taekwoon was talking again, in that god awful voice of his.

“I...I...don’t g-get along with anyone and I h-have no friends…” Well that wasn’t exactly news. He’s not sure what the adults were expecting seeing has Taekwoon was always coming home with new injuries. But then again grown ups could be so dense. Despite his resolve to not give a shit he still couldn’t help but twitch a little at the fake noise of alarm his mother made.

“Oh honey why not! I’m sure they would love you.” Really? Is she? For a moment he almost pities Taekwoon. He was just a kid being fed all these lies just to make him think he wasn’t a complete freak. It was only a matter of time before he broke and his own mother wasn’t exactly going to be the most helpful in that situation. “If you just try harder, you can make friends! No reason to hate school dear!” Mom of the year was she not.

At this point Taekwoon looks close to tears, he’s fidgeting in his seat not sure how much more to say. Jaehwan thinks at this moment he likes Taekwoon best.

“It’s...I don’t know I just….they don’t like me and th-they hit me…”

Bingo.

The table clanks as Mr.Jung stands from his seat, outrage filling his face.

“They hit you!?”

Taekwoon is taken out of school the next day.

X

Why are you always so quiet Jaehwan-ah?

He’s not quiet, not at all. He just hates talking in front of his mom, and the two other people living with them. Jaehwan’s not an idiot, he grew up a long time ago and new every sentiment wasn’t heartfelt between he and his mother. Nothing she said to him was real. He doesn’t hate his mom but he sure doesn’t love her. And she doesn’t love him either. So why bother pretending?

Outside of home however, he’s different. All smiles and jokes, arrogant as hell and a little mean.

Ok well, he could be very mean.

He didn’t actively search out people to harass or anything, because even outside there were very little things he cared about, but when he grew tired of company or felt like people were getting in his way he didn’t try to hide it. It became somewhat of a game for people around the school, to see who Jaehwan would stick around with the longest before inevitably telling them to fuck off. He rarely kept friends.

But sometimes, there were some people that made him want to be mean.

Like Taekwoon.

He still doesn’t care about the kids presence in his home, and most days just ignores him. But sometimes they get stuck together for something or their parents leave them alone too long. Those times Jaehwan is mean.  
“You know they don’t really care about you.”

“‘Mom’? Do you actually call her that it sounds so desperate.”

“Trust me, call her mom all you want but she’s never going to see you as a son sweetheart”

There’s something satisfying about seeing Taekwoon squirm under his gaze, seeing him anxiously bite his lip. All that somehow takes away his filter. At first Taekwoon would just stiffen, maybe sweat a little and not move until their parents returned. But slowly, Jaehwan got to him.

“Taekwoon-ah….listen to me.” He cooes, using a tone that mocks the way their parents talk to him. Taekwoon turns to him and he looks scared. Jaehwan terrifies him.

The elder scoots across the couch and wraps his arms around the younger, pulling him to his side he tucks Taekwoons head under his chin and sways them back and forth not bothered by how rigid his brother’s frame is. Jaehwan usually doesn’t touch him.

“You’re still doing it aren’t you….” He whispers, his voice soothing but his words are razor sharp. Underneath it, Taekwoons small body shakes and Jaehwan has to try not to look so happy

“I’m not even sure why you want to call her that so much. Obviously she’s being fake. Were you that deprived of mummy when you were little?” The question is rhetorical, his hands wrapping tighter around Taekwoon.

“S-stop….stop it h-hyung…” Jaehwan only chuckles into his hair.

“Ah yes, that’s right. I’m your ‘Hyung’,” He moves down, breathing softly into Taekwoon’ s ear. “Mrs. Lee is ‘Mummy’, Mr. Jung is ‘Daddy’ and you’re our favorite ‘Taekwoonie’ right? We’re one big happy family right?” Taekwoon trembles and Jaehwan wonders how much more until he cries already.

“Th-they’re y-your parents too….even dad. He’s y-your dad as well.” The younger hiccups. The room stills and for a moment Jaehwan relaxes his hold caught off guard by the statement. But then in the next he’s back, anaconda like grip around his little brother.

“Oh...oh baby…” He tuts, rubbing his hands up and down thin arms. “No they aren’t.” Taekwoon gasps, and Jaehwan feels something wet hit his thighs. Finally.

“Come on Taekwoon-ah...you see it too,” His voice is hushed as if telling a magical secret kept between them only. “They don’t love me.” Taekwoon releases a choked sob.

“Y-yes they d-do! They have to!” For once, Jaehwan thinks he can stand the younger boys voice. It sounds nice when he whines like that. He laughs out loud this time, threading his fingers through Taekwoons.

“No they don’t. And you know that. You see it yourself.” Taekwoon stills in his grasp, trying to catch his breath through his sobs.

“N-no…..”

“Don’t tell me you haven’t noticed baby, Daddy doesn’t care about Taekwoonie anymore.”

“S-stop saying that! He does! He’s my father and he l-loves me…” Taekwoon cries in denial, shaking his head back and forth but Jaehwan holds him steady, turning him so that they face each other.

“Daddy only pays attention to mummy, isn’t that right baby? He doesn’t care about you anymore.” Taekwoon’s small fist hits at his chest, long hair a mess all over his face and his cheeks are tear streaked.

“P-please don’t s-say more….” Jaehwan hums but continues anyway, pulling Taekwoon close and against his chest. His hand holds the youngers head, preventing him from moving as another hand is wrapped around his waist.

“Mm….you and me are the same Taekwoon-ah.” He whispers, rocking them back and forth. “We both got the short end of the sticks. Parents have to love their kids? Not in this world.” Taekwoon sniffles, fingers curling into the material of Jaehwans shirt. “Not for us. Sure, they care a bit. But for some reason, you and me, we’re always gonna be second to them.”

“B-but d-d-dad…” Taekwoon cried, shoulders shaking.

“He found someone and now you’re all alone Taekwoon. You see it, he doesn’t pay attention anymore does he? He’s not asking how your days going. Those bruises….” He looks down to where a bit of Taekwoons shoulder had been exposed, some old purple blotches still visible. “He didn’t even notice.

“It ain’t even that bad for you, trust me it gets worse down the road. Soon they’ll stop indulging you. They won’t even be bothered.” Another whine against his chest.  
“H-how would you know….”

“You really think your dad was the first man she’s seen since my old man hit town? Trust me I know how these things go. But usually its only me. Seems like the universe decided to fuck you over as well.”

At this, sobs rack through Taekwoon’s small body, his entire body quaking. Shoulders hunched, fingers clutch onto Jaehwan for dear life as if he’s the only thing that keeps him from floating away.

“Don’t leave me….!” Taekwoon sobs. “Please d-don’t leave me as w-well!”

Jaehwan doesn’t reply.

X

After their last little “talk” Taekwoon becomes more withdrawn. He stops calling Jaehwan’s mother mom, almost as if it feels wrong now. Mrs. Lee is confused at first, trying to get him to interact with her again but after a while she gives up. She already had her husband so what was the point?

Instead Taekwoon becomes closer to Jaehwan, which is actually incredibly annoying. The elder wouldn’t have messed with the kid so much if he had known this is what it would lead to. Taekwoon following him around on his heels all the time like a lost puppy. A kicked lost puppy. That had been drenched in the rain. And had a splinter in it’s paw.

He supposes after a little while he should have developed something akin to fondness for his brother, but Jaehwan wasn’t really good with his feelings and all that crap. So instead he just ignored Taekwoon wholeheartedly, only sometimes yelling at him when it got too irritating. Taekwoon would shake, then turn around and dash into his room and Jaehwan would feel something thinking about how the younger was going to cry alone.

It wasn’t guilt, of course not.

Jaehwans still sure he doesn’t care about Taekwoon. Even if he can see himself in those pretty onyx eyes.

Taekwoon’s hair gets longer, he hasn’t really cut it since he came to the house and now he was almost 16 it was getting to his shoulders. It wasn’t like it was gross or unkempt. It was quite silky actually, very soft and a dark almost black color.

The first time he saw Mr. Jung yell at Taekwoon, it was about his hair.

“I’m not paying for home teacher so you can walk around looking like a woman!”

It was weird seeing someone yell at Taekwoon, because he had never actually done something bad.

“The only reason you had no friends is because you looked like this. If you behaved more normally we wouldn’t have to pay for your education!”

Now Jaehwan on the other hand, he couldn’t say much for himself. But his mom (and later on Mr. Jung who Jaehwan STILL finds amusing for trying to correct his behavior) had long given up on him. They knew he wasn’t the best kid around but he did it hidden so rumours wouldn’t spread. Taekwoon still hadn’t quite grasped this yet and often asked if he could do things.

A loud slap echoed through the room and Jaehwan turned to see Taekwoons shocked eyes, hand clutching his cheek where he had been hit. The elder could see the tears start to form and turned around to return to his room as Mr. Jung raised his hand again.

That night, after Taekwoon had cleaned whatever was left of his hair off the floor, Jaehwan let him sleep on his bed since he a test to cram for the next day.

X

“Hwan-ah have you seen where my makeups gone? Last week I couldn’t find my eyeliner and this week one of my favorite shades of lipstick is missing!” Jaehwan shook his head at the woman, shifting his position on the couch to cross his legs. He had an inkling where it had gone though.

He’s almost 100% sure Taekwoon has it, because when he was 16 he was selling his moms make up to girls at school so that he could buy weed. It was actually a common occurrence and now that Mr. Jung was forcing Taekwoon to attend high school, it being the same one Jaehwan had attended, he probably wanted in on some of the action.

He wasn’t a snitch though, so if the kid wanted to get high let him.

He gets up when there isn’t anything on TV, deciding to go up to his room instead. On the way there he passes the bathroom and sees that the lights on but the doors unlocked. He pushes it open with the intent to turn off the light but pauses when he sees Taekwoon there eyes wide and fingers shakily holding some red lipstick to his mouth. It falls from his fingers and breaks when it hits the sink, causing a clattering noise.

“Oh.”

“H-hyung.” Taekwoon manages to squeak, his entire face paling at being caught in the act. He had turned his entire body to Jaehwan and the elder could see that there was also light eyeliner on his lids.  
“Jae-Jaehwan Hyung…” Taekwoon trembles, taking a step forward. He doesn’t know what to do, his entire world crumbling around him. “J-Jae….hwan hyung pl-please don’t tell them.” His eyes are beginning to sparkle now, panic overtaking his senses. But Jaehwan isn’t listening.

He’s just staring at the color on Taekwoons lips.

The youngers bottom lips trembles, and his eyes zero in when Taekwoon nervously dart his tongue out to lick it.

“Hyu….ng..?”

He doesn’t realize his feet are moving, eyes never wavering from Taekwoons mouth until the younger gasps, pressing back against something-the wall. Taekwoon shakes, staring up at him and Jaehwan has yet to say a word. The air is tense between them, neither daring to move in case this fragile atmosphere shatters. Taekwoons tears have receded now, confusion overtaking his initial fear, and he bites his lip head cocking to the side unintentionally.

The next second Jaehwan has him caged, shoulders pushed flat against the wall.

“J-Jae...wha-” Jaehwan swoops down and Taekwoon shuts his eyes tight, tensing.

Nothing happens.

Slowly he opens his eyes again, after hearing soft breathing. Jaehwans lips are millimeters from his own and he can feel the formers breath against his face when he speaks.

“Get that shit off your face before you get your ass kicked.”

Later that day Jaehwan strokes himself to the thought of Taekwoon biting his red lips. He comes quicker than before.

X

He draws a lot.

That was his thing when he was younger, how he dealt with the loneliness. Everyone has a way to cope and for Jaehwan it was through art. He was quite good too, really good. If he had wanted he could have been an artist but of course that was the one thing his mom still nagged him about.

Had to make sure her kid was making good money to support her in the future.

Jaehwan sits on his bed, graphite pencil moving back and forth as he creates fine strokes with ease. His mind moves fast, too many thoughts at once about everything. Because no matter how much he pretends not to, Jaehwan cares a lot.

He looks down at the sketch he made, Taekwoons scary realistic gaze looking back at him.

Jaehwan cares a lot about everything.


	2. Part 2

He'd been getting breakfast, waiting for his toast to finish when he saw it. Through their window, Taekwoon was standing there with his back facing Jaehwan, and there was another guy, slightly taller, who was holding his hand.

_Interesting_

Jaehwan raises an eyebrow, grabbing his toast when it pops up and puts it in his mouth. The other guy is smiling, hand coming forward to slide some hair behind Taekwoon's ear. (Its grown longer again, Jaehwan wonders when Mr. Jungs next hissy fit will be.) They seem to be a little too close, the guy constantly leaning down and bringing their faces near each other. Its weirdly affectionate and Jaehwan takes a larger bite out of his toast, eyes not leaving the scene. After a moment the guy hands Taekwoon his backpack and hugs him, then turns back into his car and leaves.

Jaehwans spreading some jam on another piece of toast as the door creaks up, he can hear light foot steps as if someone is trying to be quiet.

"Have fun last night?"

Taekwoon freezes, head whipping towards to kitchen area to meet Jaehwans gaze. Why is he always being caught by his stepbrother.

"I..."

"Seems like you were gone for a while." Jaehwan sing songs, dipping his knife for some more jam. Taekwoon didn't seem like the type to sneak out, he didn't know the kid had it in him.

Taekwoon doesn't reply for some time, just watching cautiously. Jaehwan continues on with his breakfast, not caring about the youngers staring.

"You....you're not gonna tell them...right?" He can hear the tremble in Taekwoons voice, and it's oddly satisfying. He shrugs.

"Doesn't have anything to do with me." Taekwoon visibly relaxes, shoulders sagging as if he had a long night. "Th-thanks hyung."

"Don't bother. I'm not doing it out of kindness or anything." He looks up at Taekwoon, eyes scanning the youngers body before locking on to his neck. Theres marks, small purple bruises speckled across his skin. That really catches Jaehwan's attention, and he makes his way over to Taekwoon. The shorter boy seems to shrink back the more Jaehwan studies him.

"You really did have fun didn't you...." He says more to himself, fingers tilting Taekwoons chin up to turn it to the side. He gets a closer view at the bruises, very pretty against Taekwoons pale skin. Jaehwans fingers reach forward, grazing over the violet stains.

"H-hyung...don't..." Taekwoon whispers, hair falling into his eyes and shame burning red on his cheeks. Jaehwan doesn't listen, momentarily pressing hard on the skin just to hear an airy gasp. "Did it feel good?" His voice is slightly above a whisper. "Being bad feels nice doesn't it baby?"

A hand slaps against his chest and Taekwoon pulls away. His cheeks are pink but he has dark eyes. Maybe for once Jaehwan actually made him angry. Without another word the younger walks away, backpack clung tightly to his side.

Jaehwan thinks he saw some red on his lips.

x

Jaehwan keeps seeing them. Its a different guy each time but they always end up in front of his house being a little too touchy with Taekwoon. It's starting to piss him off because they're always there, waiting by the door like some sort of lovesick puppy. Its so gross, and how excited and smiley they look when they see Taekwoon is even more gross. He has half the mind to tell them that there was another guy a week before who had the same smile on  _his_  face. But he keeps quiet, it really isn't any of his business. Even if there are guys showing up looking older than he is. Why would it matter to him, its not like he cares or something.

He definitely doesn't care.

x

They're at some club. The musics too loud and the drinks taste cheap but booze is booze and its been a while since he's truly let go of his inhibitions. Jaehwan doesn't even know most of the people he's with tonight. Mainly some other students at their college Hakyeon met and introduced him to- It doesn't really matter as long as he gets laid.

He looks around the dimly lit area,feels the dull vibrations of the bass pumping through the floor boards when he makes eye contact with a girl on the dance floor. She was pretty, with hair that was dyed red and fanning across her shoulders. Her cami and shorts left little to the imagination which was just what he needed at this point. Jaehwan smiles at her, a casual upturn of his lips because he wasn't in the mood to be flashy, and makes his way to where all the moving bodies are. He's not really one for dancing (a fact that Hakyeon on many occasions likes to remind him of) so the faster he gets her away from it the better. Once he reaches her, pretty thin fingers splay themselves across his chest and they get acquainted quite easily.

Jaehwan was about to pull her away, towards the bar when he sees that a group of people have already formed around it. He recognizes a few as the people he came with, jeering and yelling about something.

_annoying._

He inwardly groans to himself, about to turn back to the girl but the sound of someone's voice stops him immediately.

"Minhyuk just leave it, please."

Jaehwan whips around and looks to the bar only to see Taekwoon grabbing the arms of some guy, trying to pull him away from the crowd that had formed. After years of practice Jaehwan mastered an easy going persona, but seeing this had him gasping audibly. It made sense now,what the group was jeering about. Just because Jaehwan couldn't care less about who his brother was fucking didn't mean the rest of their town didn't. And people definitely knew they were together. Honestly he would have thought the kid would be smarter about something like this but apparently not.

He feels a hand slide up his arm, pulling him back to the girl he was with earlier and Jaehwan wants to look away, give his attention to her instead of Taekwoon- _always goddamn Taekwoon-_  But he can't because right then the youngers eyes find his own. Taekwoons eyes widened and he sends a desperate look his way as the arm he was holding on to ripped from his fingers. It sends him stumbling backwards a little. The other guy he was with- Minjoon or whatever lunges at the group. Which was in fact a very bad idea. Jaehwan watches as only a few punches are thrown before the bartender comes to break it up. Taekwoon has that terrified look on his face,the one Jaehwan is oh so well acquainted with.

Its not his business.

He turns back to the girl, and she smiles sweetly at him leading him back to dance.

It's not his business, and he doesn't care he doesn't care he doesn't  _care_ _._

But he can't. Its wrong, everything is so wrong and he almost instantly lets go of her, fast walking to wear the bartender is still holding one of the guys by his collar as he yells about calling the police. He walks passed them, not sparing them a glance before reaching over to Taekwoon and grabbing his arm. He drags them out of the club.

X

The car ride was silent, reminiscent of the times Jaehwan would drive Taekwoon to school. He can't remember the last time the younger had been in his car. It seemed that somewhere along the way Taekwoon had found boys much more willing to give him rides. He chooses not to think about that.

"Hyung..." Taekwoon starts.

"I won't tell them." Jaehwan interrupts him, and Taekwoon stops talking for a moment, gaze falling to his lap.

"Its just...I knew we shouldn't have gone inside. But he really wanted to and I felt like I-I had to listen...." Jesus Christ why was he still talking. People said Jaehwan spoke too much but at least he knew usually when to shut up.

"That's great Taekwoon-"

"Because if I didn't he would be upset at me and I didn't want that to happen. I know I shouldn't let people t-take advantage of me like th-that but its kinda hard and..." Did he always talk this much? Jaehwan can't remember but his head is starting to _throb_ and his grip on the steering wheel tightens. Taekwoon is still blubbering on, probably spooked from the fight that almost broke out.

"Kid...kid." Jaehwan cuts him off, barely taking his eyes away from the road to shoot Taekwoon a quick look. The boy stops talking, staring back distraught with wide eyes and Jaehwan can see him picking the skin of his finger nails to the point of blood.

"Shut up." Is all the elder can say to him before returning his eyes on the road. He can see Taekwoon visibly deflate from the corner of his eye, and he most certainly does not feel guilty.

When their car reaches the familiar gravel path, Jaehwan pulls into the driveway and they enter in silence. The door lets out a high creak as the two enter the dark house, neither bothering to turn on any lights and instead heading straight for their rooms.

At least that was what Jaehwan thought was happening.

Somehow the night that had barely begun already took so much out of him and he slunk through his bedroom door, intent on just falling into his mattress and calling it a night, but a hesitant touch stopped him. His insides were screaming and as he slowly turned his head, tired eyes meeting Taekwoons sharper ones, he couldn't even pretend to be interested. The ebony haired boy seemed to regret the action immediately, already drawing back and when their eyes met he looked down. Rouge spread through out his face and it made Jaehwan feel a certain way.

"What."

His voice is blunt and to the point. Implying that if Taekwoon doesn't answer in the next 10 seconds he was gone. The makes the younger react, gazing up at him timidly.

"Th-Thank you....Jaehwan hyung."

Jaehwan shuts the door in his face.

X

He's been staring at the wall for who knows how long, mind so full but his thoughts seem empty. Jaehwan's not very aware of his surroundings at the moment, too focused on the dull, slow beating of his heart.

Thump.

Thump.

_Thump._

Will it ever stop? Of course it will, everyone dies. Part of him wants to be conscious when it does. Be aware that this is all ending.

Its almost as if he's submerged under water, all the sounds he hears are distorted, round. Fat, mumbled syllables he can't really make out. But then, something small breaks through it. Cracks at the haze enough to catch his attention.

Its knocking.

Slowly, because he was in no rush at all, Jaehwan turns around in his chair to face his door. His desk is a mess, papers scattered around, some crumpled and others ripped to pieces. Charcoal smudges trail off of the wood, leading to Jaehwans own fingers that seemed to be dipped in black. He takes another hit.

Theres no rush to see whose at the door, he just watches it for a little longer, waiting. Minutes pass, five, ten maybe even one he's not sure, before there comes another knocking. Its softer this time, more hesitant.

Jaehwan exhales, a long puff of smoke erupting from his lips,floating off and out through the open window behind him. Outside, a truck drives passed and someone honks.

"What." His voice is gruff, dry from smoking.

 The door slowly opens with a loud creak, and long ebony hair shows itself. Taekwoon timidly pokes his head through while Jaehwan takes another drag. He doesn't need to say anything for Taekwoon to start talking, the kid knew the drill by now.

"I-is it ok...can I sleep in here tonight..." Taekwoon stutters, eyes trained on his feet. "Its just...their yelling is really loud."

The bubble seems to pop then, and only now is Jaehwan aware of the screams that are coming from downstairs. Mr. Jung and his mother. Loud, shrill cries could be heard, swear words thrown left and right. Not for the faint of heart which Taekwoon was surely classified under. Said boy looked visibly distraught, eyes wide and small body trembling. You would think someone like Taekwoon wouldn't be bothered by yelling, seeing as that's all they've heard since he moved here, but that wasn't the case apparently.

He thinks that Taekwoon is a little too old to be running to his room every time things becomes too much, but doesn't say so out loud. Jaehwan just shrugs, turning back to stare at his desk. A moment later he can hear the soft scuffle of feet across the floor board, and then the rustle of bed sheets.

Even when he's not facing him, it's easy to tell that Taekwoon's probably shaking like a leaf. Little pants can be heard escaping his lips- he's barely holding back whimpers. Jaehwan wants to tell him to be quiet or get out.

More time passes, and Jaehwan takes a piece of charcoal, dragging it across the face on the paper. Taekwoons eyes stare back at him, now with thick black lines cutting through his skin. Closing his eyes Jaehwan imagines dragging the black trails across the youngers actual skin, watching it mar his pale body. He shivers.

"Is that uhm...I mean...you're um, smoking?" Taekwoon says while Jaehwan crumpled the drawing and let it fall to the floor. If the younger had seen his sketch, then he chose not to comment on it. He blows another puff of smoke, letting it float out the window before he turns to Taekwoon.

"Doesn't it look that way." He smiles easily, but they both know theres no happiness behind it. Taekwoon shakes his head.

"I just...It caught me off guard a little." Taekwoon mumbled softly, playing with the ends of his black sweater. Jaehwan notices how the material easily covers his thin frame, and how Taekwoons long dark hair gets lost somewhere in the cloth. His leg, covered in some old pajama bottoms, bounces up and down anxiously. There comes a loud bang downstairs, followed by a scream and Taekwoon jumps a little.

"Ohh..." Jaehwan hums, not bothered by the noises at all. "Looks like someone brought a gun."

Taekwoons head whips up, eyes wide and mouth open in horror. Jaehwan laughs.

"Kidding." He says, causing the younger to release a breath. "Probably just threw something."

"You...!" Taekwoon begins, and they're both caught off guard by how loud his voice is. Taekwoon frowns, sitting back a little and looking away. "....You shouldn't say things...like that so easily." He finishes quietly. Jaehwan stares at him, eyebrows furrowed. The bounce in Taekwoons leg is back, and he's started to pick at his fingers again.

"...Why shouldn't I?" Jaehwan says, standing up and slowly making his way towards the bed. Taekwoon looks up at him startled and afraid. A little deer that detected a sound.

"Why would something like that bother you?" Jaehwan sets a knee on the bed, pushing himself forward. "Tell me Taekwoon, would you care....would you care if they  _died_?"

Something flashes in Taekwoons eyes, maybe its realization, or more horror. Jaehwan thinks he likes it.

The younger boy gapes, his mouth opening and closing, eyes wide in fear as Jaehwan moves closer. Had it been like it was 4 years ago, he's sure Taekwoon would have stuttered out an "Of course not!"

But things were different now.

"You don't care do you." Jaehwan coos. He's crawling on the bed, almost prowling. Taekwoon shifts, moving backwards until he hits the headboard.

"Always yelling, always mad..." Inch by inch. "All the times he hurt you, all the times she let it happen. They  _abandoned_  you, baby." The younger still hasn't said anything in reply, eyes shutting tight and his jaw clenching. Jaehwan reaches him, their knees touching.

"Admit it. You wouldn't care. You would at least be relieved right?" He whispers, and Taekwoon is trembling, body shaking violently as his eyes become moist again. Always crying.

Jaehwan frowns.

"Hey." He cups Taekwoons face, forcing him to open his eyes and  _look_  at him. A pitiful whine leaves the younger, and stray tears start to drip down his face. Jaehwan makes no move to clean it up. Taekwoons body is vibrating almost, Jaehwans own hands unsteady from holding his face. "Relax." 

Taekwoons eyes are completely focused on him, dilated and terrified. He moves closer, nose pressed across his step brothers cheek, dragging it across his skin before touching Taekwoons own nose. Their foreheads press together and their eyes meet. lips so close."Relax." Jaehawn repeats.

He exhales, clouds of smoke leaving him and floating into Taekwoons mouth. The younger boy gasps, unintentionally inhaling and then he's having a fit. The room is filled with the sounds of gagging, Taekwoon releasing high pitched coughs. Jaehwan only watches him, until he gets it together again. Then he moves back in, grabbing his shoulders and pushing against Taekwoon.

"Hyung..." Taekwoon whines. "Jaehwan hyung...we shouldn't" But his fingers are clutching at his shirt. Jaehwan takes another slow drag from the cigarette again, before blowing over the youngers face, watching his features scrunch.

"Why not?" He whispers.

"I...I'm..we're...s-s-sib..." Taekwoons stumbles over his words, trying to explain. "Its...isn't it wrong?" 

"Does it feel wrong?" Jaehwan says, watching ash fall from the end of the cigarette. "or more importantly...do you  _care_?" Back to this. Taekwoon looks up at him, searching his eyes, entire body shaking but he doesn't respond. Finally, He squeaks a tiny, small "No".

"Relax."

Jaehwan presses their lips together.

x

"Do you think its weird?"

It's another night a few weeks later. Theres more yelling come from downstairs and once again Taekwoon seeks refuge in Jaehwan's room. This time they both lie on his bed, a little distance between them, staring at the fading glue from old glow in the dark stars on his ceiling. Jaehwan decides to humor him.

"What's weird?" He replies. His eyes never leave the ceiling but he can imagine Taekwoon biting his lip, considering a reply.

"Me." Is what finally comes out as a whisper.

"You?" Jaehwan echoes, and he feels the bed sheet ripple from Taekwoons nod.

"Y-you know...because of all...all that stuff...." Taekwoon takes a shuddery breath. "My hair and...and....the makeup."

Taekwoon's hair had been tied neatly with a ribbon, silky and soft looking. Jaehwan could also see the hint of eyeliner and some powder on his cheeks. It seemed like Mr. Jung was too busy with his mother at the moment to notice.

What did  _he_  think about it?

He closes his eyes, imagines touching Taekwoons hair like he has so often thought about. Running his fingers through it before his hand closes in a fist and he  _pulls_. He thinks about his hands all over Taekwoon, sees his thumb touching the corners of his eyes, smearing the eyeliner and smudging it all over his face. Dragging his pointer finger across a lip gloss covered mouth so that its all over the youngers chin, and sticking to his own digits as he ruins all the makeup.

Jaehwan opens his eyes slowly, blinking for a second.

"I don't care about it either way."

x

Theres a loud shriek from his mother downstairs, and you can hear something else being thrown before a door slams shut. Jaehwan chuckles.

"Looks like they're at their end. 4 years was a good run." He mumbles emptily, toes curling a little as he stretches. He hears Taekwoon turn on his side and knows the younger is watching him.

"Does nothing bother you?" He says softly after a moment, and its enough to make Jaehwans eyebrows furrow.

"What?" He turns to face Taekwoon and the younger draws back, breaking their eye contact.

"No...its just...you don't really care about anything." Taekwoon's picking at his skin again. "Even...when you smile...it doesn't seem real...or whatever." His voice gets quieter as he finishes the sentence. Something drops in Jaehwans stomach, and he turns away again.

"Maybe that's the case."

They lay in silence a little longer before Taekwoon takes a deep breath.

"I...don't want them to break up. I...I don't want to l-leave you..." He says hesitantly. The statement is completely out of nowhere, and he's sure Taekwoon is as shocked as he is. Jaehwan doesn't say anything for a while, almost behaving like he hadn't heard it. Finally, softly, he manages a short "Why?".

"Because...I guess...you haven't really changed since the beginning." Taekwoon replies shakily. "You've always treated me the same way, not like dad. Not like your mom either." He mumbles the last part. "And you even helped me. I...I feel like I need you..." 

_Need?_

Taekwoon needs him?

How odd.

Jaehwan doesn't see why. He never really did anything for the kid did he. He watched Taekwoon get beat up, watched him get yelled at, noticed the bruises faster than anyone. But he did nothing. He told himself he didn't care enough to do anything, and it always felt that way.

Why would Taekwoon need him.

"You're a fucked up kid."

x

The next few days, his mind is replaying Taekwoons words over and over again. Its like a mantra at this point, just continuous chimes of " _I feel like I need you_ " ringing through Jaehwans ears, distorting his hearing. It bothers him, so much so that for once Jaehwan feels something that isn't indifference, its  _anger_ _._ He feels it pumping through his veins, finger tips tingle with the want to break something.

He avoids Taekwoon at all costs.

Jaehwan stares at his phone, finger hovering over the number, after a few minutes he finally presses down on it and brings the device to his ear. The ringing is painful, echoing in his brain and he has to hold the phone a little farther away. Finally the line picks up.

"What do you want ken?" Theres some American rock song blasting in the background, and he can tell that Hani is chewing gum by the way her lips smack when she talks.

"Can you come over?"

x

They met in middle school, both at cross roads in their life. He and Hani were each discovering things about themselves. In their moments of vulnerability they helped each other out a bit because neither of them had anyone else. Jaehwan wonders if they're friends, maybe she is one.

"Won't your girlfriend care about this?" He says, falling back against the headboard. Hani easily comes to sit on his thighs, pulling off her olive sweater and throwing it somewhere across the room. Jaehwan automatically reaches behind her to unclasp her bra letting it fall to the floor. She laughs.

"Hyerin isn't threatened by you." She tells him. Fair enough.

The rest of their clothes come off fairly simply, and almost mechanically Jaehwan rolls the condom on. Hani watches his face for a moment, studying his actions.

"You're the one who called me over here, yet you don't seem to be into it. Even more so than usual." She adds the last part teasingly, and Jaehwan knows she isn't offended. They've known each other far too long for that to happen. Still, he flashes her a bright smile.

"Do you think so?" They both shudders when she sinks down onto him, taking a moment to adjust themselves before slowly Hani starts to roll her hips.

"Ah...fuck. Yeah, if I cared enough I would ask if something was bothering you." She tells him, slightly out of breath. Jaehwan takes a moment to thrust up into her and they both sigh.

"I'm touched." Is his reply, and then just to stop talking about it, he presses their lips together.

Jaehwan isn't sure what he's feeling. It's empty, but that's just normal, he and Hani both know that. But it does feel good in a sense. Maybe this was what he needed, a distraction. But somehow he knew this wasn't the case. Because Hani was loud and he had purposely kept the door open.

He knew Taekwoon was watching them because his bed faced the door and Jaehwan had seen his feet. But he pretended not to see, trailing his hands down Hani's slim waist to grab at her hips, and fuck into her harder. In turn she clawed at his shoulders and released a low moan. When she leaned in to press her lips against his neck, while rolling her hips faster, Jaehwan slipped his fingers into her hair and pretended it was Taekwoons.

Only then did he look up at the younger.

Taekwoon watched them with hooded eyes, cheeks a bright pink and his mouth slightly agape. When their eyes met, Panic flooded his features. He seemed like he was about to run, but ever so slightly Jaehwan shook his head, causing him to stay frozen in place.

Hani's face was still pressed against his shoulder, his large hands bruising her hips and she whined shamelessly. Jaehwans eyes stayed locked on Taekwoon, not even breaking every time he fucked upward into her. Taekwoon himself seemed like his knees were weak, thin fingers clutched tightly at Jaehwans door frame, his knuckles completely white. His face was bright red now, but he couldn't look away- Jaehwan wouldn't let him.

Minutes pass and then Hani is coming, a quiet moan leaving her lips. Jaehwan follows after, releasing into the condom with his eyes closed, imagining its Taekwoon he's finishing in.

X

"Why did you do that?"

Jaehwan was watching TV- or more accurately- staring at the screen, when Taekwoon came and sat down across from him on the couch. Their parents were out somewhere, never really at home these days to avoid running into one another.

"Do what?" Jaehwan replies, eyes still focused on the screen.

"You stopped talking to me for a while. But then, that day...with her..." Taekwoon stops talking, and Jaehwan steals a glance his way, happy to see the pink on his cheeks. He sighs, not out of frustration really, just to do something.

"No one asked you to watch."

"You did."

"You didn't have to listen."

That seems to stop Taekwoon for a moment. The younger knows this of course. But something had kept him there, the same thing that had Jaehwan letting him watch in the first place.

"This...thing- thing that we do, its...its not normal." Taekwoon whispers after a moment. Jaehwan just hums, and he feels his skin tingle.

"It's not?" He smiles at Taekwoon, wide and bright, the one they both know is fake. "But I thought thats what we always did." He fully turns himself to face the younger, who frowns at him. Taekwoon is still scared of him, he can see the flashes of terror in his eyes. But its more refrained, like a passing almost. He hides it well.

"Wh-what?" He leans back, hesitant but its too late, Jaehwan pulls onto his arms, bringing him in closer. "Well you know..."

"I watch you get fucked....you watch me fucking people. Isn't how it works between us?" He breathes against Taekwoons neck. he gasps, wrists locked in Jaehwans hold.

"I...I never did that-" Taekwoon begins to defend himself, but Jaehwan just cuts him off.

"Oh but you're always surrounded by those boys Taekwoonie. Its what it always seems like..." Jaehwan coos. Taekwoon whines a small "It's not" lips quivering.

"How can you act like this. Or say these things." Taekwoon cries. "We're supposed to be brothers but you never....!" His voice gets choked up and he turns away. Jaehwan narrows his eyes.

"We're brothers? Is that what it feels like." He says softly. letting go of one wrist, Jaehwan grabs Taekwoons chin and forces him to look his way. "Because I don't feel that way.

"I never thought you would be my sibling, I never saw your father as my dad. I don't even consider that women to be my mom. And you don't either." Taekwoons eyes stare up at his own, searching.

"You know I'm right." Jaehwan exhales. Slowly, Taekwoon nods.

"So theres no reason in trying to stop what's happening."

x

Jaehwan sits back on his knees, watching. Taekwoon moves with fluidity, experience in every action he takes. When he's done, he looks up to the elder male with big eyes and fluttering eyelashes. His body is shaking, but only a little now and Jaehwan wordlessly takes the small lipstick from his fingers. He cups Taekwoons face, bringing it close to his own so that he can spread the pink across his mouth, watching it tint the flesh. The movement is mesmerizing, and he goes back and forth more than he probably should but Taekwoon doesn't stop him.

When its finished, he pulls back, placing the lipstick container on the side of the bed. Taekwoon seems nervous, fingers clawing at his bed sheets, fighting the urge to pick at skin. The blush on his cheeks weren't necessary, they were already a deep pink. Jaehwan hums, not saying anything while he stares, but then after a moment he leans in again. Taekwoon releases a light gasp against his lips, and they fall back against his mattress.

x

Probably one of the only presents his mother ever got for him was a small green bird. Jaehwan can't remember what species it was, just one you could find at any old pet shop. He thought it was beautiful. Soft and delicate in his hands, for some reason he could never look away. He just wanted to hold it, keep it safe, because he had known from a young age that the world was a danger.

When a friend came over, they wanted to see his bird. Jaehwan was scared. He cupped the small animal between his fingers, holding it away from his friend, his  _dangerous_  friend. It was silly really, maybe he was just selfish but Jaehwan thought he was keeping it safe at the time. But when he looked back, the pretty thing wasn't moving.

He held on too tight.

Jaehwans eyes open slowly, taking a moment to focus. His body feels sticky, as if his bed sheets are glued to his back. Next to him, Taekwoon lies peacefully. Soft snores leave his lips every now and then and Jaehwan follows the rise and fall of his bare chest.

Oh, right.

The suns bright light shines on his back, making him feel even hotter than before. He remembers it all, looking back across Taekwoons body. The marks the covered his neck, his chest. Jaehwan hadn't been gentle. But Taekwoon hadn't asked for that either.

They had fallen together, in a hurried mess, too eager for the need to feel. His senses on fire every time his lips pressed against Taekwoons own soft ones, hard enough to bruise and enough so that Jaehwan was trailing lipstick down Taekwoons own skin. And when he had pressed into him it was just as hurried. Taekwoons breathless begging after such little preparation. He'd wanted it to hurt, he wanted to feel.

Jaehwan was not kind in his thrusts, fast and unrelenting, running off the soft little sounds that fell from Taekwoons lips. The way Taekwoons legs wrapped around his waist and his nails scratched deep angry lines down his back. He'd looked so small then, so breakable under Jaehwan and it caused something inside him to twist, to make him move even harder, push even rougher. It all burned, but when he came it only took him a few minutes before he moved again.

Now, looking at the mess they'd made of themselves the night before, Jaehwan feels strangely full. Which is...different. He's never actually felt such a thing before and it makes something swoop in his stomach. He doesn't think he likes it. He tries not to focus on that, instead matches his breathing to Taekwoons soft pace, watches the sun shine across dark ebony hair, the light getting lost in its blackness. For once, things seem...at peace.

Then, theres banging downstairs. The door slamming open and screams suddenly destroying the first real silence Jaehwan had in a long time. He can hear them downstairs, screaming. Its enough to stir Taekwoon awake from his sleep. His eyes open sleepily, looking to Jaehwan for answers, small hand reaching forward.

And then comes Mr. Jung, stomping up the stairs so hard it reverberates through the house.

"Fuck this! Fuck you, you cheating hag! This is it, I'm fucking  _tired_ \- Taekwoon!" By this point they were both getting up, finding their discarded pajamas and slipping them over their bodies. Jaehwan for went a shirt but Taekwoon managed to find his, letting it cover the marks from the night before. But not the ones on his neck, Jaehwan thought a little smugly. "Where the _fuck_ \- Taekwoon get out here! We're leaving right now!"

They can hear Taekwoons room door being slammed open, and Jaehwans mothers shrill yelling from down the stairs declaring loud "Good riddance!"'s

Taekwoon stands from the bed, turning to him in shock. His eyes are wide and afraid but Jaehwan, Jaehwan isn't the one who knows what to do here. He sits still, staring back, expression lost.

"H-hyung..."

The door is suddenly opened.

x

Mr. Jung barges in breathing deeply. His eyes immediately land on Taekwoon, taking a moment to stare down Jaehwan who sat still on his bed, noticing his lack of clothing. But then he turns back to his son.

"Pack..." He exhales deeply, growling through clenched teeth. "Pack your bags. We're going."

Taekwoon shrinks back, body completely frozen in front of his father. It was so different, so so different from the way they acted when Jaehwan first met the two. No love was left.

He supposes his mother has that effect on people.

Taekwoon turns back to look at him, eyes desperate. Jaehwan stares back, and his mind is running a mile per minute. He doesn't know what to do, what to say. Something tells him to stop them but he remembers.

_He held too tightly._

"Taekwoon!" Mr. Jung shouts, making the younger boy flinch.

"I-I..." Taekwoon begins, voice shaking. His eye ares begging Jaehwan to do something but he can't suddenly. The voice is back in his head stopping him.

_The bird died because he held too tightly._

Jaehwan looks away.

"Don't just fucking stand there Taekwoon, lets _go_." Mr. Jung snaps. He moves forward, grabbing Taekwoon by the arm and dragging him out.

"Wait!" Taekwoon shouts, and it causes Mr. Jung to pause for a moment. He turns to look at Jaehwan, but the elder won't return his gaze. Mr. Jung releases and exasperated sigh, hitting the back of his head so hard the sound causes Jaehwan to cringe.

"We're leaving." He announces, marching out of the room. Jaehwan finally looks up, seeing the betrayal in Taekwoons eyes as he's taken away.

x

Jaehwan blinks for a second, Mr. Jung is still standing there breathing heavily.

"I said lets go Taekwoon!" He shouts. Taekwoon is still there, staring at Jaehwan, his entire body shaking. "What the hell are you looking at!" When the man goes to get Taekwoon, Jaehwan gets up, his body moving on his own. He grabs Taekwoons arm before Mr. Jung can, both father and staring at him incredulously.

"What the fuck-" He doesn't let Mr. Jung finish, and just like the night at the club Jaehwan grabs his keys and marched. His grip on Taekwoons wrist is tight, and he moves quickly, leading them both down the stairs into the living room where his mother is pacing.

"Jae- what are you doing?" She asks, confused when she sees the two of them, but Jaehwan ignores her, walking straight to the door. Taekwoon stumbles behind him. "Jaehwan? Hey! Where are you going with him!" She shouts. He can hear Mr. Jungs voice too, coming closer down the stairs. He quickens his pace.

Outside he unlocks his car, pushing Taekwoon into the passenger seat before going to the drivers side. He's pulling out the driveway when both their parents make it outside. Their yelling just comes out to gibberish to him.

Jaehwan drives, he drives out of their neighborhood, and the little town they lived in together towards the city. Taekwoon lets him. Finally after nearly 20 minutes he speaks.

"I know someone in the city. We'll go there." Is all he says. Taekwoon doesn't respond verbally, but Jaehwan can see him nod through the corner of his eye, staring out at the blurring trees through his window. Jaehwan sighs, focusing back on the road.

His mind is calm again. Finally, things are silent.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> ahh...still not used to AO3. I hope you liked it ^^
> 
> Twitter: @notvixx  
> Tumblr: @leohyukprincess


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